Being myself …

Anyone that knows me knows that the last year has been a theological and emotional roller coaster of self discovery. I have been to the depths of me and re-examined my core beliefs and my standard scripts, realising that I live like most people behind the mask that I think will be accepted by the people around me.

When Jim Palmer posted a quote from the song Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls I was struck by the raw frankness of the statement.

I want you to know who I am

I do I want you, my friends, to know me, the real me but at the same time I am scared. Scared of judgement, scared of being isolated and pushed away, scared that the real me is not worthy of love. When it is said that most people live out some kind of quiet desperation, I think this is where it starts. The refrain of the same song echoes out our fear…

I don’t want the world to see me, cause I don’t think that they’d understand.

And so we hide, in fear, as we play out the Christian script which funnily enough is supposed to be about a love so strong and deep that it drives out all fear. And we learn all to quickly that when we live behind the mask only the mask receives the love. The coming out process seems to scary, to daunting and we fail again and again to trust love.

Well this week is coming out week in my hometown of Malmö do we dare, do I dare?

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